The final blog post!

Only a few more days until Christmas! We're all getting excited around here; the kids have finished school and as Megan said this morning "I just feel so good Mommy!"

I am also feeling much better over the last few days and am looking forward to the Christmas season. I have been thinking a bit about last Christmas and how we had no idea what was around the corner. A few times I'd think to myself 'oh yeah, we did this last year-that was before I had cancer'. I do think of my life now as 'before cancer and after cancer'. It seems to be a major dividing point in my way of thinking. This seems to be a common thought from what I've learned talking to other cancer survivors. I've also learned this year that I am alot stronger than I think and there is amazing strength behind family, friends and community. There are so many people that have blessed us immensely through all of this and we feel so thankful for that.

While writing this journey through this blog I have noticed that I tended to write when I feel positive and upbeat. I have worried about making other people worry! I am thankful though that I have been more positive in spirit that negative, and that I have had more up days than down. My feelings have ranged from "why me" to "why not me" and from "I sure hope you haven't left me God!" to an overwhelmingly sense of peace. I am learning to leave my worries with God and that is huge for me. There are days when I think I have gotten through a major trial, but I don't want to do it again-ever! Like any cancer survivor my main concerns are always about the the big what if. What if it comes back again-how will we cope? So I try hard to shelve that thought and live enjoying life today and leaving my concerns with my Maker. Like anything we have to learn, it takes practice!

So 2010 will bring a new year with new hope. I am looking forward to learning how to live as a cancer survivor and to move on with my life. I will hopefully finish Herceptin by May and possibly have more surgery late in 2010 or early 2011. I have an appointment with the surgeon in February so she may be able to tell me a bit more of an exact date. I am thinking seriously of removing the other breast as a preventive measure and the surgeon also thinks that is a good idea. I'm getting to be 'old hat' at this surgery thing and the thought of another surgery does not bother me anymore. I think also because I feel a bit more in control of things, now that the initial panic and anxiety are gone, it feels more manageable. But by in large next year will be alot less chaotic!

Thank you to all of our family and friends for so much-we know for a fact that we couldn't have managed without all the love and support we received this past year. Thank you for listening to me blog-it has been very therapeutic for me! We have been overwhelmed at times with all of this scary cancer stuff but the steady stream of encouragement, love, concern and support have been amazing. We are truly blessed.

We would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and we hope you can experience the peace and joy that Christmas brings to all of us. We send much love from our family to yours!
Love,
Nadine

Today I am already feeling a bit better and am only taking Motrin for the pain. I seem to alternate between good nights and bad nights for sleep and pain, but that is to be expected I guess. I can only imagine as I start to feel more energetic that the no driving, no lifting, no grocery shopping etc. restrictions are going to be hard to follow!
Last week Monday I had my usual 3 month heart test (with yet another dutch isotope-I was hoping it would come with a chocolate letter, but no luck) that I need to have while I am on Herceptin. The ejection fraction of the heart is what they are looking at and it needs to be in the 60% ish range to be considered normal. So yesterday I had doctors appointment before my Herceptin treatment and the doctor informed me that last weeks heart test indicated that my heart function had dropped to 55%. So that is not good as 55% is the lowest it can go-if it goes any lower they have to stop the Herceptin. This did not make me happy! So I will be able to have Herceptin for January and February and then March I have another heart test. So please pray for a better ejection fraction result! The Herceptin is so important to have as it is blocking any cancer cells.
We are getting spoiled this week with Grandma staying with us. We have enjoyed yummy suppers and homemade soup! We are looking forward to the Christmas break and enjoying some relaxing, down time.

The surgery on Thursday went well and I'm glad to be home again. My pain level is much better already this morning, although it feels as if I've been beat up from the inside out. I woke up from the surgery feeling not too bad, but that quickly changed as the night went on! I could not get the pain under control, nor could I sleep. The nurses were wonderful and tried everything, but by 5:00 am I started throwing up and of course that always helps. So they delayed my discharge by a few hours to make sure I could keep lunch down, which thankfully I was able to do. I had a good sleep last night and this morning I have had a shower and gotten dressed and now I feel like I need to lie down again! The surgeon said it will take a full 6 weeks to feel relatively normal again and I'm not to do any lifting at all for 6 weeks. Thankfully Rich's work is slowing down a bit so he will be around alot.
Our family has been enjoying some delicious baking that my colleagues put together for us-wow, it is all amazing! A big thank you to all those wonderful therapists out there-you sure can bake some mighty good stuff!
Another big thank you to Uncle Norm and Aunt Donna for coming to stay with the kids Thursday after school and feeding them supper. Rich and I really appreciated that-it was very reassuring to know the kids were happy. Thank you to everyone for your love and support during this time!

Graduation!

On Tuesday I had a follow up appointment with the radiation oncologist. He told me some very welcomed news-I've graduated and don't need to come back to see him! The radiation has hopefully done its job and I've healed well and he was pleased with things. He also said, "you're going to be just fine" (I've decided he's my favourite doctor). He's also 79 years old so I figure he knows a few things or two. So if he says to go home and think positive thoughts then that is what I plan to do!
I've also been to Grand River Hospital for my pre-op appointment and everything is set for next Thursday. I've been hearing a variety of recoveries from this surgery, so I hope I won't be too surprised. I'm done all my Christmas shopping, which was the biggest thing I figured-I'd like to avoid the mall after surgery, that's for sure!