The final blog post!

Only a few more days until Christmas! We're all getting excited around here; the kids have finished school and as Megan said this morning "I just feel so good Mommy!"

I am also feeling much better over the last few days and am looking forward to the Christmas season. I have been thinking a bit about last Christmas and how we had no idea what was around the corner. A few times I'd think to myself 'oh yeah, we did this last year-that was before I had cancer'. I do think of my life now as 'before cancer and after cancer'. It seems to be a major dividing point in my way of thinking. This seems to be a common thought from what I've learned talking to other cancer survivors. I've also learned this year that I am alot stronger than I think and there is amazing strength behind family, friends and community. There are so many people that have blessed us immensely through all of this and we feel so thankful for that.

While writing this journey through this blog I have noticed that I tended to write when I feel positive and upbeat. I have worried about making other people worry! I am thankful though that I have been more positive in spirit that negative, and that I have had more up days than down. My feelings have ranged from "why me" to "why not me" and from "I sure hope you haven't left me God!" to an overwhelmingly sense of peace. I am learning to leave my worries with God and that is huge for me. There are days when I think I have gotten through a major trial, but I don't want to do it again-ever! Like any cancer survivor my main concerns are always about the the big what if. What if it comes back again-how will we cope? So I try hard to shelve that thought and live enjoying life today and leaving my concerns with my Maker. Like anything we have to learn, it takes practice!

So 2010 will bring a new year with new hope. I am looking forward to learning how to live as a cancer survivor and to move on with my life. I will hopefully finish Herceptin by May and possibly have more surgery late in 2010 or early 2011. I have an appointment with the surgeon in February so she may be able to tell me a bit more of an exact date. I am thinking seriously of removing the other breast as a preventive measure and the surgeon also thinks that is a good idea. I'm getting to be 'old hat' at this surgery thing and the thought of another surgery does not bother me anymore. I think also because I feel a bit more in control of things, now that the initial panic and anxiety are gone, it feels more manageable. But by in large next year will be alot less chaotic!

Thank you to all of our family and friends for so much-we know for a fact that we couldn't have managed without all the love and support we received this past year. Thank you for listening to me blog-it has been very therapeutic for me! We have been overwhelmed at times with all of this scary cancer stuff but the steady stream of encouragement, love, concern and support have been amazing. We are truly blessed.

We would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and we hope you can experience the peace and joy that Christmas brings to all of us. We send much love from our family to yours!
Love,
Nadine

Today I am already feeling a bit better and am only taking Motrin for the pain. I seem to alternate between good nights and bad nights for sleep and pain, but that is to be expected I guess. I can only imagine as I start to feel more energetic that the no driving, no lifting, no grocery shopping etc. restrictions are going to be hard to follow!
Last week Monday I had my usual 3 month heart test (with yet another dutch isotope-I was hoping it would come with a chocolate letter, but no luck) that I need to have while I am on Herceptin. The ejection fraction of the heart is what they are looking at and it needs to be in the 60% ish range to be considered normal. So yesterday I had doctors appointment before my Herceptin treatment and the doctor informed me that last weeks heart test indicated that my heart function had dropped to 55%. So that is not good as 55% is the lowest it can go-if it goes any lower they have to stop the Herceptin. This did not make me happy! So I will be able to have Herceptin for January and February and then March I have another heart test. So please pray for a better ejection fraction result! The Herceptin is so important to have as it is blocking any cancer cells.
We are getting spoiled this week with Grandma staying with us. We have enjoyed yummy suppers and homemade soup! We are looking forward to the Christmas break and enjoying some relaxing, down time.

The surgery on Thursday went well and I'm glad to be home again. My pain level is much better already this morning, although it feels as if I've been beat up from the inside out. I woke up from the surgery feeling not too bad, but that quickly changed as the night went on! I could not get the pain under control, nor could I sleep. The nurses were wonderful and tried everything, but by 5:00 am I started throwing up and of course that always helps. So they delayed my discharge by a few hours to make sure I could keep lunch down, which thankfully I was able to do. I had a good sleep last night and this morning I have had a shower and gotten dressed and now I feel like I need to lie down again! The surgeon said it will take a full 6 weeks to feel relatively normal again and I'm not to do any lifting at all for 6 weeks. Thankfully Rich's work is slowing down a bit so he will be around alot.
Our family has been enjoying some delicious baking that my colleagues put together for us-wow, it is all amazing! A big thank you to all those wonderful therapists out there-you sure can bake some mighty good stuff!
Another big thank you to Uncle Norm and Aunt Donna for coming to stay with the kids Thursday after school and feeding them supper. Rich and I really appreciated that-it was very reassuring to know the kids were happy. Thank you to everyone for your love and support during this time!

Graduation!

On Tuesday I had a follow up appointment with the radiation oncologist. He told me some very welcomed news-I've graduated and don't need to come back to see him! The radiation has hopefully done its job and I've healed well and he was pleased with things. He also said, "you're going to be just fine" (I've decided he's my favourite doctor). He's also 79 years old so I figure he knows a few things or two. So if he says to go home and think positive thoughts then that is what I plan to do!
I've also been to Grand River Hospital for my pre-op appointment and everything is set for next Thursday. I've been hearing a variety of recoveries from this surgery, so I hope I won't be too surprised. I'm done all my Christmas shopping, which was the biggest thing I figured-I'd like to avoid the mall after surgery, that's for sure!

Wow-our 15th wedding anniversary!

Today marks our 15th wedding anniversary~time sure flies by. This year by far has been the hardest we have had and I am thankful every day for the support I get from Rich. I've certainly felt the worst I've ever felt this past year. Rich is my positive thinker and my moral support, and for that I am grateful.

This journey into cancerland has been a huge learning curve for us as well. Drugs, side effects, treatment options are on my mind alot. Now that I have a bit more free time I'm trying to educate myself a bit more on what is out there for cancer treatments. My mom and I saw a great movie about the true story of the doctor who discovered the drug Herceptin. It took him about 10 years to get it on the market and available for women. I had no idea that drug trials could take so long and that drug companies could be so difficult to work with (the movie was called Living Proof, in case anyone is interested). After watching that movie, I am even more grateful for the drug Herceptin. On Monday I had my 11th treatment of Herceptin out of 18~the drug takes about 45 minutes to administer but for some reason I end up in the chemo clinic for 5 hours! That's another thing I have been learning alot about this year....patience!

We enjoyed a great vacation in Florida last week and spent some good time together as a family. We had awesome weather, hot and sunny every day! We were able to see alot of the Disney theme parks mostly because of the minimal crowds, which was another bonus. In this picture we just got off a ride that had alot of water thrown at us. Megan and I seemed to get the worst of it!

We stayed at a resort that had a great pool and we were able to come back most afternoons for a swim. I was very glad that I was able to keep up with Rich and the kids at the parks. Even though we did alot of walking, we took in alot of shows and spent time at the pool relaxing. I'm getting much better at this energy conservation thing...!

This is the kids posing in front of Cinderella's castle at Magic Kingdom. We really had a blast and Rich and I were very happy that the trip went so smoothly. We are now back into things full speed. I seem to have alot of appointments over the next few weeks and had a herceptin treatment the Monday we got back. The week off from appointments was very nice....Anyways, I am also trying to get a bit ready for the upcoming surgery on Dec.10. I'm trying to get ready for Christmas so we'll see how that goes!

With flu season hitting all of us hard this year, it has made me very aware of how vulnerable we can be at times. I also realized that I am part of the priority groups to get the H1N1 vaccine (so far the only positive thing about having a cancer diagnosis). I'm dealing with a rotten cold right now and even that has me worrying more than normal, thanks to my sorry state of an immune system. So I go tomorrow to get my shot....

Looking at the calendar, I have a full 2 weeks off from appointments and/or treatments. Very exciting for sure! We are planning a family vacation to Florida next week and we are all excited about heading south (especially as it is snowing right now!). We are looking forward to spending some good time together.

On Sunday we enjoyed a wonderful hike in Dundas Valley Conservation Area with our friends Jen and Bas. We got a bit lost in the trails and we won't mention who was holding the map....anyways we did find our way out eventually! It was a beautiful fall day. We are travelling to Connecticut this weekend to visit Rich's sister and family and we are hoping to enjoy some more colours through up state New York.





Andrew and I now have the same hair cut! My hair is slowly growing (not fast enough for me though!) and I'm enjoying the warmth on my head. The radiation burn is pretty much all healed now and feeling much better. I was in the chemo clinic today for a Herceptin treatment and met a 27 year old guy that was on his second year of chemo (maintenance chemo). Wow. He was very interesting to talk to, a very strong individual. I was also happy that the nurse was able to find my vein on the first try-yay!

Very glad to report that the radiation burn is healing quite nicely now. I still have a fair bit of swelling in my upper arm from the burn, which I'm hoping should go away soon. I am starting to really feel like my old self again and I'm enjoying my days without appointments or treatments! Today though I did have an appointment in Kitchener with a new doctor to discuss the hysterectomy surgery. It should hopefully be done laparoscopicly and I have to stay in hopsital one night. They were even able to gave me a date~Dec.10. I better have all my Christmas shopping done by then!

I am officially done radiation treatment as of last Wednesday-very glad to be done that ordeal. The doctor did end up stopping the radiation a bit early as my skin was getting worse and he felt it would be adding "insult onto injury". So I completed 28 out of 30 treatments-not too bad. The radiation continues to 'work' 7 -10 days after your last treatment, so my skin believe or not is actually getting worse even though I'm not going in for treatment. I've been in touch with a radiation doctor on call this weekend and am now putting on heavy duty cream to prevent infection. I've been sleeping alot this weekend (very not normal for me!) so I think my body is fighting something. Thankfully this morning I work up feeling pretty good- and pretty thankful as it is Thanksgiving morning!

On Sunday Rich and I and the kids participated in the CIBC Run for the Cure with about 35 other people from our church. It was a great morning. It was quite an amazing feeling to be surrounded by so many people that have all gathered for the cause of breast cancer. I loved being there with our friends and felt such a great sense of caring and support. It was fantastic!

My other happy thought to share is that I only have 3 more radiation treatments to go. I will be very relieved when it is over, and so will my skin. It is very, very red and getting quite sore. There are a few open areas/blisters that are causing some grief, but these are apparently normal for almost 30 treatments.

We met with the oncologist about 2 weeks ago and she went through the pathology report with us as we hadn't seen her since the report was completed. We did meet with the surgeon, but she just gave us a quick summary. The oncologist gave us a bit more detail and explained things a bit better. She did tell us that the report shows that there were cancer cells still 'alive' in the tissue and lymph nodes that were removed. She would have liked to see no cancer cells as I had chemo before surgery and the chemo should have destroyed all the bad cells. So she told us if there were cancer cells in other parts of my body the chemo perhaps did not get those either. We were a bit surprised and a bit taken a back to say the least. We decided we just have to keep thinking positive. She did recommend a different drug rather than Tamoxifen, but I need to be in permanent menopause for the drug to work. So I will undergo a hysterectomy, ovary removal etc. hopefully as soon as possible. We should find out more info on Thursday when I go in for my next Herceptin treatment.

So just a bit of an update and we still appreciate all your prayers as we keep going down this road. We hope everyone is well and is looking forward to Thanksgiving!

I think I am about half way done the radiation treatments and I'm looking forward to not having to go to Kitchener every day. So far I have been feeling alright, but I have noticed I am getting tired alot quicker. My skin is also getting quite red and looks like a bad sunburn, so hopefully it holds out and doesn't get worse. We got some good news on Thursday when I was at the hospital for the Herceptin treatment. While on the Herceptin I have to have a heart test every 3 months as Herceptin could possibly cause some heart damage, and hence they would have to stop the treatment. But I got passing numbers on the heart test, so I can keep going with the treatment. We were grateful for that good heart test! Interestingly, the heart test requires a medical isotope and since the Chalk River nuclear site is closed my isotope came all the way from Holland-I was very happy to have a dutch isotope!

Today the kids have gone back to school and that will definitely help as I go back and forth to radiation. This morning in the opening chapel the principal stated the theme for the school year will be I Thessalonians 5:18, "In everything give thanks." Wow, that sure is a tall order. No matter what is going on in your life, trying to find something to give thanks for is such a healthy habit! Even through all of this stuff we've gone through this year, we have had so many things to be thankful for-amazing health care, kind radiation therapists, friends that sure know how to cook, family that's there for you, understanding employers, finding a parking spot on King St.....the list is endless! There are days when it is hard to remind yourself to be thankful, but we have been overwhelmed with so much love, support and encouragement that we sit back and say, "wow, we sure have alot to be thankful for."

Radiation therapy has officially begun and I think my van will go on autopilot to Kitchener by the time I am all finished 30 treatments! The doctor met with me on the first day and declared I was a good candidate for an additional week of radiation, if my skin health holds up. So that means 6 weeks instead of 5. The good news is that they were able to change my appointments to the mornings- that at least has made me feel better.
The radiation room looks like something out of Star Wars, very high tech. I am on a table lying in the mold that was made for me with machines whirling all around me. The radiation therapists leave the room when the treatment starts and if they don't like how I am lined up they can move the table by remote control. Very freaky to say the least! The treatment does not take long, but the lining things up can take a while.
I have to share something I read in a magazine while I was waiting for my appointment. It was on menopausal symptoms (sorry if this is too much detail...!)- this topic is of interest to me as my body was kicked into chemo induced menopause and I am learning to greatly respect menopausal symptoms. Anyways, this lady identified the 7 menopausal dwarfs:
Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Bloaty, Sleepy, Forgetful and Psycho.
No need to say anymore!

Today I finally found out when the radiation treatments will start. I will begin this Thursday and will go everyday for 5 weeks (except Sat & Sun). For some reason or another the Kitchener hospital (where I have to go for radiation) has been very unorganized and slow to get me going, so I am glad to finally have a start date. I had requested mornings however they gave me all afternoon appointments (usually around 3:00 -right when I have to pick up the kids from school!). So I will have to take the afternoons for the first week and then the secretary said she will try to switch it to the mornings. I also have another Herceptin treatment on Thursday so Thursday will be a busy day. Knowing my start date of radiation means I can now write the end date on the calendar!

We had a really good visit with the surgeon yesterday. The pathology report indicated that the margins were clear which is always a good thing. There were 2 out of 14 lymph nodes that were positive for cancer cells which wasn't a surprise because they showed up already on the MRI back in February. The lymph node involvement is why I have to do radiation therapy. The one surprise she told us was that the original tumour which they thought was about 1 cm was actually 4.6 cm. A bit bigger I'd say! There was also a 10 cm band of tissue that was full of pre-cancerous cells, so this definitely confirmed the surgery was a good thing.
I finally got the call from Kitchener to have the planning CAT scan done and meet with the radiation oncologist-that will be this afternoon. Hopefully I'll leave there with my schedule for the radiation treatments, I'm looking forward to getting it started.

Today I was back in the chemo clinic for my 6th Herceptin treatment (I have 18 in total). The Herceptin is given intravenously every 3 weeks to help block the growth hormone that the cancer cells like to stick to. It was different being back in the clinic today because I wasn't having chemo at the same time, so I actually felt pretty good. The side effect of Herceptin is fatigue, which is becoming normal in my life! I am still waiting to hear when my radiation CT scan is and hence when I start radiation- I've now called the Kitchener hospital 3 times hoping they have it figured out. They are also apparently waiting for the pathology report, so it seems like everything is on hold for a bit.

I am feeling quite a bit better from the surgery and I am getting out and about a bit. My energy level is gradually increasing for which I am thankful. I am also very excited that my arm is feeling better and actually gaining range of motion as well! Of course I am trying to use my arm in as many activities of daily living as possible.....I'm trying to be a good OT/patient! I am amazed at how much I want to baby that arm, I have to really force myself to do the exercises (they hurt!).

We go back to see the surgeon next Wednesday, so we'll give an update at that point. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Take care!

We have had 4 doctor appointments this week and it is only Wednesday. They seem to be all bunched up lately! We saw the surgeon in Hamilton for a follow up today and were hoping the pathology report would be in, however no such luck. Apparently the pathologist was on vacation (wondering why they did not know this info before?) so we have to go back again in 2 weeks. I was still glad to see the surgeon today because of the one spot that looked as if it was not healing. She told us that is looked just fine and it was a 'burn ' from the inside out due to the skin retractor they use during surgery. So it should heal up soon, which is good news. The radiation oncologist was wanting the spot to be healed before he starts radiation (he estimated I would begin radiation 5 days a week x 5 weeks starting Aug 24th). I have another appointment with him in 2 weeks to have a CAT scan and to finalize the plan of when to start radiation. All in all this is making things very busy around here. I'm also starting the Herceptin treatments again next week-that will be 13 treatments every 3 weeks.

We had a little adventure this morning in Hamilton. We were driving to the cancer centre which is up the mountain going our usual route (well, the only one we really know) and the mountain access was closed (another good thing to know ahead of time). Anyways, we turned around and tried to find another way up which proved difficult as Hamilton is full of one way streets. We passed a street that looked promising so we turned around (on a one way street) and drove the wrong way to get to the street we wanted. Of course we passed a police cruiser while driving the wrong way on the one way. I don't think he was too impressed and looked very surprised. We quickly turned on the next street and thankfully we did not see him again!

Another piece of good news that we found out today was that I qualify for getting the genetic testing to determine if I carry the BRCA 1 or 2 gene (results of this will enable us to plan future treatment for myself and determine if our daughters are at a higher risk). I had the blood test today, so they estimate I'll find out in 6 months or so.

I want to thank all our friends for helping us out with so much child care during these busy weeks. We appreciate it so much-it sure has taken some stress away. Our kids have been happy and that makes us happy!

Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since the surgery and I'm feeling better every day. I still don't have lots of energy but I am able to do a few things without having to hit the couch. Today I even went to church and felt pretty good. The home care nurse is still coming every other day to take care of a skin tear that isn't healing all that well. I was allergic to the tape from the surgical bandage so I have a big rash and a few skin tears, all of which are healing nicely except for the one-although I think it looks better even today. On Wednesday we see the surgeon for a follow-up and hopefully at that time she'll have the pathology report so we will find out how many lymph nodes were involved and how the margins look. On Monday (tomorrow) we see the oncologist and will find out when I start radiation-they hinted at Aug 17th however September 8th would be more convenient as the kids are back in school. So we'll have to deal with that one as it comes. Oh yeah.... I am growing some lovely peach fuzz on my head-unfortunetly it is all grey! That better change! What happened to the wavy brown hair with blonde highlights I ordered?!

Today it has been a week since the surgery and hopefully the worst week is behind me. Everything seems to be healing well and the last drain came out yesterday. I do have a bit more swelling than I did before and I'm guessing that is because the drains are out, we'll have to see what the nurse says today. Today is supposed to be her last visit, although I'm hoping she'll come a few more times just to make sure everything is OK. There is something comforting about having her come by and check things! My energy level is still quite low and I don't feel as though I could go out of the house yet-I'm tired just thinking about it!

We are grateful that this past week has gone relatively smooth considering that the surgery only took place on Monday. We have had so much help with child care and meals that I have been able to take some much needed rest ... this has been wonderful! My girlfriends have arranged a schedule for our kids to be taken care of everyday this week and the kids are having a blast. I am feeling better daily and my mom has been here everyday helping with the house and caring for me. I was really pleased when I was able to reduce my pain medication to just extra strength Tylenol from Morphine and Tylenol 3 (though these were nice drugs to have). Even the nurse that comes everyday has been a great support and tells me that things look great. I have two annoying and uncomfortable drains that remove fluid from my body as a result of the surgery and the nurse informed me today that I may have one of the drains removed tomorrow (which will be painful but worth it). My next goal is to work on my range of motion exercises in my left arm which I have casually started but need to be more consistent. We couldn't have managed without such wonderful friends and family!

Just a quick update to let you all know how things are going here. I am home from the hospital and feeling tired to say the least. Rich was going to try to post an update last night but he was too bushed. Monday was a long day for all of us! The surgery went as well as can be expected, and the doctor was pleased with everything. I slept alot during the day and alot at night. The anesthetic made my stomach upset though and I threw up my supper. They told me if I throw up my breakfast this morning I would have to stay an extra night. So I was kind of thinking that would be a good idea, but my breakfast stayed down and home I went. Apparently 95% of mastectomy patients go home the next day, some even the same day. Home care nursing will start tomorrow, so that makes me feel a bit better.
Well Rich is off with kids on a bike ride and mom is coming over to help me out. I think I am going to lie down for a bit. Thank you all for your concern, phone calls and prayers. It makes a tough time a lot easier.

For some reason this has been the hardest 'recovery' post chemo. By now I am usually feeling a little bit better, but I guess it's all starting to add up. It definitely helps knowing that this is the last one, but I think that will hit me a bit more on July 1st as that will be the first time I don't have to go back. Yeah! The kids are now done school and Rich has to head up to Manitoulin Island for work so we thought we would go with him. I'm hoping this little trip will be a nice diversion. We're going to stop by Michigan on the way home ( well thanks to a big lake in the way, it's quite a big drive..!) and visit friends for the weekend. Nothing involves camping so I think we shall manage just fine!
Our next big hurdle is the surgery on July 13th. We'll make sure to post something that day to let you know how things are going. We are praying for a successful surgery and a short recovery time! We hope everyone is enjoying their summer. Bye for now.

Last chemo session!

Today was very exciting as it was the last chemo session-wow! I feel very relieved to have finished this part, and I am looking forward to next week when I start to feel better again. I almost did not get the chemo today as my white blood cell count was too high and over their recommended cut off point. I wasn't expecting to hear that today because I have had no problems so far. But I think because it was my last session the doctor thought it would be OK to go ahead with the chemo ( I also tried to look very desperate to have this chemo done and over with!) Very happy to hear that it was a go ahead! I have been dealing with a cold and cough the past few days, so that may have something to do with it. The doctor did put me on antibiotics to deal with whatever my body is fighting. I was coughing so hard this afternoon, Rich thought if I kept eating I wouldn't be coughing! So here he is buying us ice cream to celebrate our last chemo.

It is a tradition in the chemo clinic to "ring the bell" when you are finished your treatment, everybody claps and the nurses give you a big hug to send you off. They have all been so great and definitely made the chemo process a bit easier. The doctors have also been wonderful. The one receptionist however needs a holiday (a very long holiday!)

We want to thank everyone for helping us through these past weeks, it has been a trying time but we have felt lifted up through it all.

The worst of the post-chemo days are over for this round and I'm already starting to feel a bit better. I never did develop any more cold symptoms, for which I am grateful-although Jocelyn now has a bad cold. There's always something! I forgot to take the nerve pain medication one night this weekend and I really noticed a difference in the leg pain department-electrical fireworks going on. It made me realize how well the medication is working and how hard chemo would be if there were no meds to manage the side effects.

Today I went to the public library (drove-not walked!) and handed the librarian my health card instead of my library card to check out my books. The scary part was that it was not the first time! I take out my health card so much now that it's always the first card I reach for. Oh well, it's a good thing librarians are very understanding.

Today was another long day at the chemo clinic. When we finally got into the chemo room, the only chair left was right underneath the TV (very hard for actually viewing the TV) and we were in a circle surrounded by 3 men- at least in the 70's- and fast asleep. And this was only 9:15 in the morning! This was certainly a lively crew. I have to admit I did think to myself- what the heck am I doing here? This just doesn't seem right. But we survived the day and Rich and I got lots of reading in.

A highlight of the week was meeting at a friend's house for coffee who is a breast cancer survivor. She invited 2 other ladies in their 30's who are also dealing with this crazy disease so it was really nice to share and support each other. One of the girls wrote a book about her experience and it is really great. It makes you laugh and cry, sometimes all at the same time. I also spoke on the phone with another girl who is starting a formal support group for younger women and that should start in about a month. I am looking forward to getting this chemo behind me. Only one more to go! I have had a sore throat and a bit of a cold for a week already, so please pray that I don't get any sicker- I am so close to being finished!

Today Rich and I met with the surgical oncologist in Hamilton to talk about surgery plans and a date. She was able to tell us that the surgery date will be July 13. This is our second time meeting with her and we are always impressed with her. She is great at explaining things and is very confident and knowledgeable. In some ways I am glad that I had chemotherapy first as it has given me time to get used to the whole surgery idea. Even driving to Hamilton today we felt like it was "old hat" and that seeing a surgical oncologist was not even that scary! It is part of our 'new normal' I guess.
Thanks for following along with us.

Today was just a 1/2 day at the chemo clinic for the Herceptin treatment. Things went fairly smoothly, and basically I'm not feeling a whole lot different. Although- it is only 7:30 and I am fighting to stay awake long enough to say good night to the kids! I am getting used to functioning through fatigue. We are going to Hamilton on Friday to meet with the surgeon, so we hope to have a bit of a plan at that point. The kids have had a busy week with class trips and this weekend the girls have their dance recital. Rich and I are also hoping to go to the Niagara region on Saturday and meet up with friends (who are on a bike tour) for dinner. I am very glad that this is on a 'good weekend', and we're looking forward to a bit of a getaway.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Even though I thought I was prepared for the days after chemo, they still take me by surprise. And even though I know it is short term, when I'm in the middle of these days I feel as if they are never going to end. But, each day does get a bit better and today I am already feeling 'tolerable' (I'm also not as grumpy...). The nice surprise was that this chemo treatment did not affect my legs and feet as much. The down side was my throat, neck and back were very sore - and of course the nausea and general feeling of the flu. But I did stay on top of the tylenol this time and I think it did help.
We had a quiet weekend, and Rich spent alot of time cleaning up the yard. The girls went with friends to Woodstock for a GEMS walk-a-thon and Andrew spent Saturday with a neighbour boy finding frogs in a pond. You should have seen him when he came home- you could just make out the whites of his eyes he was that dirty. But he had fun!

It was a very long day in the chemo clinic today. My mom and I got there at about 8:00 this morning and I was home again at 5:00. There was a mix up in the doctor scheduling so there was no doctor until 9 ish and then he had to write and sign all the orders for treatment. So everybody was a bit behind. It is a long day to sit there attached to an IV pole. You really can't even take a walk, just to the bathroom. But I did watch alot of daytime TV! Regis and Kelly, Ellen, Rachael Ray.... we all know the order by now! The last 4 hours of treatment is the chemo and for that I have been having my hands in "cold mitts" or ice packs the nurses provide so that the chemo doesn't go to my hands/finger nails. The idea is that the cold will help keep my nails at bit healthier. It feels good however it is hard to read with your hands tied up and afternoon TV is not that great!

On of the neat things today was that I sat beside a nice lady who is a little older than me, but is going through the same thing. So we had a little 'support session' for a bit, and then she got to go home. But it helped to break up a long day! She knows another breast cancer patient our age who is looking into starting a support group for 'younger patients' in Guelph, which would be great because the closest right now is Cambridge. So that may interesting.

Rich was able to take the day off today and help out at track and field at the school and watch the kids do some of their events. I was so glad he was able to be there for them, they all had a great day. Lots of stories!

I'm feeling a bit more prepared for what the next few days will entail- I did talk to the covering doctor a bit about the side effects and he suggested to take the nerve pain pill everyday through the whole 2 week session. This may make it more effective. He also suggested Percocet for the pain, but I'm now sure I want to do that just yet. It may make me loopy, and I already feel loopy enough!
Hope everyone is having a good day and enjoying spring.

Hello everyone- not a whole lot new this week, although I am glad to report that the leg and foot pain is pretty much gone. I'm starting to feel like I can do a few things again which is great. Unfortunately I am not sleeping as well this week and I feel as though I am fighting a cold (yet again). So still kind of low key around here! Rich has been travelling a bit for work and as of today, the worst of it is over. It is always nice to have him close to home doing normal work hours. We hope everyone has a nice long weekend!

Well, I have to admit the following days after this chemo/Taxol treatment were a little rough. It started out OK on Thursday, but by Thursday night my feet hurt so bad I wasn't sure how I was going to get up the stairs to bed! By Friday my back, legs and feet were very achy and throbbing. I spent most of the day on the couch. Saturday was not a whole lot better. I am taking something for the nerve pain, but by Saturday night I was pretty sure it wasn't working! But, thankfully, today it is easing off a bit. I think the most frustrating part was that the nausea was minimal, but now I was hurting so bad I still couldn't do anything!
I think the last couple of days have been a little harder on the kids as well. They really could tell I was not functioning and out of commission. Rich has been great though and has kept them busy and is taking care of everybody.
Despite all this I had a wonderful Mother's day with breakfast in bed and received very special handmade cards and gifts from the kids. I've also been blessed with a very special mother and mother-in-law who have been a great support through all this. It truly makes things easier when you are surrounded by people who love you and care for you.
Happy Mother's Day!

Finished treatment #5!

Today was the first treatment(of 4) of Taxol and even though it took longer to administer, it was easier to tolerate. I think that is was not as nauseating and not so uncomfortable. For the first 4 treatments part of the drug had to be 'pushed' into the vein and it would make me feel agitated and it would feel like my head was going to pop off! So this one today wasn't as uncomfortable. It will be interesting to see what the side effects will be like and how different this may be from the first 4 treatments.

One of the general side effects of chemo that am experiencing is hand swelling and finger nail pain. My nails are starting to discolour a bit and feel like they may separate from the nail bed (I know, very gross). The nurse today said they don't look as bad as other patients she has seen (somehow that made me feel a bit better). She did give me cold ice packs for my hands and nails during treatment to avoid the chemo going to my hands. I don't think it was too effective though because they weren't that cold and she spent more time putting the ice packs back in the fridge. I think I may bring my own ice packs next time!

I have next Wednesday off (yeah!) and then the following Wednesday I have Taxol #2 and my first herceptin. So they told me to expect a very long day (about 8 hours). The good part (there
has to has to be a good part) was that I get a free lunch from the cafe and they make good food. I am always happy to see good food-even during chemo!

I will keep you posted as to how this week goes. Bye for now.

Going for a walk ...

When I am starting to feel a bit better, I sometimes forget how limited my energy is- I can easily end up overdoing it. Yesterday was a sunny day, so I decided to take a walk to the public library (about a 20 min. walk). I started out feeling like this was such a good idea until I got about half way and realized I was tired out already! I wasn't sure if I should turn around and go home or keep plugging away. Well I kept walking, although very slowly now and thinking this was not such a good idea! The library looked very far away! I did make it though and spent awhile resting and reading magazines. I had brought my handy dandy knapsack of course thinking I would load up on books. Now I realized I had to take this load home, so I wisely left some of the books behind. I started to make the trip home, wondering if maybe I should call a cab! I was walking very slow by this time, and now getting hungry. I stopped in at Shoppers Drug Mart which by the way sells lots of great food. After a snack and another rest I made it home! I will not say how long this excursion took me, but I won't be so adventuresome next time!

This week has been a typical post-treatment week, although it feels like it is taking longer to 'feel better'. We did meet with the oncologist yesterday and talked about the next 4 chemo treatments and starting the Herceptin. I have to have a heart test every 3 months now as these drugs do have a possible (although slim) effect on your cardiac function. I'm very thankful that I have been able to take a leave of absence from work, as I don't know how I would fit all this in. And when you're not feeling well, every task takes longer to accomplish!
We also have a date for an appointment with the surgeon and that will be May 29. At that point, they will hopefully give me a date for the surgery, which we are guessing will be in July. After the surgery and radiation, I will go back on Herceptin treatments every 3 weeks for a year. Though it seems like this is a long journey we're glad we have a plan and feel like we are being well taken care of by the medical community.

A Little Note.

Hi, this is Jocelyn. I`m going to write a post for my mom`s blog. First I`d like to thank everyone for the meals, they`re awesome and helpful. We really like the cookies. I sometimes think mom`s going to forget how to cook we get so much food. (Our freezer is stuffed!) Mom`s getting books from the library on understanding chemo for kids. They are good for us to read. Mom hasn`t been sleeping too well, so we like to help her out. This way mom can rest. Another thing is the beautiful flowers we keep getting. They`re great for the spring weather. Mom also likes the thoughtful cards. Thank you for all your support! Keep checking out the blog!

Today was the fourth treatment session, and I am glad it is over! I was able to rest quite a bit this afternoon but I still feel like I'm in quite a fog. This will be the last session with this particular chemo drug and then in 2 weeks we start with a new drug called Taxol. It is apparently less nausea inducing, but does cause some discomfort with numbness and tingles in your hands and feet. And of course the fatigue will still be a factor!

We also met with the doctor today before treatment and she filled us in with the 'receptor' status of the tumour. It is 'triple positive' meaning it is estrogen, progesterone positive and Her2 positive. The Her2 is a growth promoting hormone, which is not so good in cancer. However, they have drug called Herceptin which I will be starting in 2 weeks. This is also an IV drip, but it needs to be weekly. So I will be going to to the hospital every Wednesday starting in two weeks. We also have another appointment with the oncologist next Monday to go over everything again, as the doctor today was the hospitalist (the oncologist comes in from Kitchener and the hospitalist oversees everybody's treatment on a daily basis.) We're a bit overwhelmed with the new info, and I must admit I haven't read up on it all just yet.

A very neat thing that I was able to participate in yesterday was a 'Look Good, Feel Better' program in Kitchener It is designed for women going through chemotherapy and is strives to give you information on taking care of yourself, going over things like skin care, beauty tips etc. I also learned how to draw on eyebrows if the need arises! It was very relaxing and kind of fun and I got a whole box of free products! I thought it was very worthwhile and would strongly recommend it.

Wishing you all a great week!

The other week at Jocelyn's girls club they worked on a cake decorating badge. That night she came home with a cake called "Mom's Hair Cake"! It was to make me feel better about losing my hair! We had great fun eating the cake and admiring Jocelyn's cake decorating skills and thoughtfulness.

The thing about losing your hair is now you have to think about what to wear on your head - and you have to coordinate! There are now head scarves all over the house and the kids arranged them all on the floor this morning for me to see. Thank you to everyone who sent me scarves (I even got a Canadian Flag scarf in the mail yesterday!) and to Sue for sewing me some great ones! I have to admit though, at night I can't wait to take the scarf off to give my head a break, but it doesn't last long though because my head gets cold! Who would have thought having no hair also mean you'd lose all your heat! The other thing that is very strange about no hair is that you kind of forget that you have none. Sometimes in the shower I squirt out a very large amount of shampoo- for no hair. Then my hands automatically reach out for my once shoulder length hair to pile it on top of my head-ready for the big shampoo-and I find my self reaching for nothing! On the days that I am awake enough and remember the no hair thing my shower is done super quick!

The kids had fun trying on some head scarves this morning, giving us a cute fashion show.

I've been feeling a bit better this weekend, although I am still fighting a cough that bugs me the most at night. We go again on Wednesday for treatment #4.

Thanks for following along.

Just wanted to report that the fever didn't last too long, which is very good news. I do seem to be taking a while to bounce back after this last treatment for some reason. It seems to have hit me a bit harder this round, and I may have to wait a little longer before I start to feel okay again. Both the fatigue and nausea are more annoying this time! I'm hoping things are on the way up this week.

Well today hasn't been a very good day so far. I've had a poor night's sleep and woke up with a low grade fever. Rich and the kids went off to church for the Good Friday service, and it made me sad that I couldn't go. I decided to put on some nice music and read through all the many cards we have received over the past month to try and boost my spirits. I ran across a bit of a theme, that I thought I'd share! My friend Jennifer reminded me that my name means HOPE. And the reoccurring verse that kept popping up was from Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." So that has been my inspiration today, and I will keep trusting in Him.Thanks for all the many words of encouragement, you have all been such a blessing.

The third treatment is over

I'm glad to say that the third chemo treatment is over. I'm feeling quite groggy and looking forward to going to bed tonight! It was a very long day as the oncology department was very busy and unfortunately I had to wait quite a bit. But I was very happy to hear that my white blood cell count was good, so I was able to go ahead with the treatment. Almost half way!

On the way home from the hospital I got a call that Andrew had taken a ball to the face at school. My mom and I stopped by and sure enough it was not looking too good! We went straight to the dentist where Andrew lost a baby tooth that was not even wiggly before! He has quite a gash in his gum, and boy do things ever look worse with a lot of blood. Let's hope the tooth fairy remembers to come tonight!

We pray that everyone has a blessed Easter with their families and friends.

Our new 'normal'

We are settling into a two week routine around the chemo treatments, and this has become our new 'normal'. I'm heading into a good couple of days where the nausea is not as prominent. The constant fatigue is probably most frustrating! I am becoming a bit better at practising 'energy conservation techniques' and pacing myself definitely pays off.
The kids are doing well and taking everything in stride. Jocelyn thinks I look 'way better' now because I don't have all that hair blocking my face! The peach fuzz is starting to fall out now, which is I'm glad for because it has been so itchy. The new thing I have noticed this past treatment is a metallic taste in my mouth, which makes food taste very different, more bland. The good news is chocolate, dutch rusks with jam, and green tea all still taste great!

The hair had to come off!

The day after the second chemo treatment, I started to really notice my hair falling out- in handfuls. By the fourth day it was really coming out and I was getting worried my hair was going to be all over the place. After I had a good cry, we decided to take matters into our own hands, literally. All three kids were excited to have a few turns at cutting my hair, and then Rich gave me a nice buzz cut. Even though it was a hard to see the hair go, it feels like it is just another step in this journey. The kids tell me I look great(although Megan cried a bit when Rich buzzed my hair), and Andrew says he still loves me! The girls were excited to play 'hair dresser' with their mom, although Rich was left to clean up the mess!

I'm glad the last several days are behind us, as they do seem to be the worst right after chemo. One of the anti-nausea drugs makes you feel like you've had 10 cups of coffee, so I didn't do so good sleeping those nights! However, I only have to take those meds the first two days after chemo. So I am counting on a good night of sleep tonight!

We are continually strengthened by the love and prayer support that we receive from our family and friends..thank you.

2nd chemo treatment is over!

On the way to the hospital today, Rich and I discussed that today is March 25, exactly one month ago we were given the diagnosis of breast cancer. Since that day, we have had about 13 tests or appointments and I have already had the second chemo treatment. Things have been moving along fairly fast, for which we are grateful. We are also very thankful to our friends and family who have taken our kids for some of these appointments. We feel very blessed to have so many people care for us and show support.

It is incredible how fast the chemo starts to make you feel bad! Even sitting in the chair waiting for it to drip through the IV, I can start to feel nausea, lightheaded and extremely tired. I came home and slept for 2 hours. The nurses are a very caring group of people in the oncology unit that's for sure. They were pleasantly surprised that I still had a full head of hair!

Yesterday I met with the radiation oncologist who will do the radiation in Kitchener, after the surgery. He was very informative, and basically said I need radiation because the cancer is in the lymph system. To what degree, they do not know, but in my case it is like an insurance to make sure the chemo and surgery have gotten all the cancer. It means a longer road, but I am glad for the option. It will also postpone any plastic surgery until 8 months later. But the very good news he told me was that the bone and CT scan came back clear. A huge wave of relief washed over me, I was so happy to hear that. It makes me feel like I can manage this, as it is contained. We rely on our faith, lean on our family and friends, and take one day at a time.

Somehow I have managed to catch a not so nice cold. I am really hoping this does not affect having chemo on Wednesday; they will let me know when they test my blood. I guess I am learning that my immune system is quite comprised, so I have to be really careful. So far I do not have a fever, so that is a very good thing.
We have 3 appointments this week, one of them being chemo. The other is an appointment with a radiation oncologist to get things ready I guess for after surgery, and the other is just to the hospital to get an immune boosting shot. Becoming a cancer patient has given me a new full time job!
We enjoyed a wonderful weekend with our family, spending some time at College Royal and then spending Sunday with Rich's family in Richmond Hill. I am also enjoying today as there is nothing on the calendar and I have time to do some laundry!

Finished the first week of chemo

The first day of spring and we have finished our first week of chemotherapy. I am starting to feel a bit better already, especially if I have a nap! The sun and warm weather has been good for all of our spirits. The best thing that has happened this week is that the oncology nurse called to see how I was doing. I told her I was having great trouble sleeping, and she said that would not be allowed! She faxed a prescription for meds that day, and I am happy to report I have had two good nights sleep. What a huge difference, even for my frame of mind. I have struggled with insomnia for a long time, so it is very nice not to deal with it during my treatment.

We are still waiting to hear about results from the CT scan and bone scan, but we are feeling positive. I head to the oncology department next Wednesday for round 2 of chemo, so we will talk to the doctor then. We hope everyone has a great weekend!

The first chemo treatment...

My first chemo treatment was March 12. I had just finished work on March 11. I have learned alot during this past week, but I must admit I did not know lot about chemo and side effects. I had really thought I was having surgery first, so I was not too prepared! Number 1 lesson I learned was not to wear flannel pajamas this first night after chemo! You get hit with night sweats something awful, I went though every pj's in my drawer! Who is supposed to sleep through all of this?!
The other symptom I guess you could call it is feeling very fluish. And also very, very tired. I am getting really good at taking afternoon naps. My favourite part of the day is climbing into bed at 8:30! I go right along with the kids.
Speaking of the kids, they are fabulous. We have tried to keep things as 'normal' as possible for them, I think it is working. They still fight, bug me for their favourite socks, and generally carry on like normal kids. Jocelyn is by far understanding the most, and is also the most emotionally needy right now. We pray that we can help them all through these next months of chemo, and through it all we can still have fun as a family. Rich has been amazing and taking time of work when he can and is always there for me.
Today is day 8 of my first chemo, and so far I still have my hair! I am ready (I think) to deal with the hair loss, but I don't know for sure! The nurse told me it will be out be treatment #2 because I am on a very strong mixture of meds. I also go for treatments every 2 weeks. And that is only if my white blood count is good, if not it will be delayed. Our prayer request is that I will be able to tolerate the chemo every 2 weeks without missing one or being delayed.
Thank you all so much for your calls. cards and food. It has made this week very bearable!
We love you all!~

The beginning of the story....

Friends of ours encouraged us to start up a blog to help tell our story and stay connected with our friends and families. So here we go!

I'm guessing every blog must start with a story or a beginning. Ours started in January '09 when I discovered a lump in my breast. I definitely could tell it was different. We began a series of doctors appointments, ultrasounds etc and then on Feb.25 we were told it was indeed breast cancer and not one lump but two. I can't say I was completely shocked, I think I started to 'know' in my heart things were not great. Rich was shocked and overwhelmed all at the same time. He quickly became my biggest support and encourager, always thinking positive. We decided it must only be early and probably stage 1, so we adjusted to this new way of living with cancer and kept moving forward. I had an MRI also that week, and the doctor told us the results on March 4. The cancer was indeed in the lymph nodes (2 he thought) and the disease was multi-focal, hence making it a stage 2ish cancer. This we did not take too well. What did it all mean?

After meeting with an oncologist and surgical oncologist, they decided to start chemotherapy first and then surgery, followed by radiation. We now know we have a long year ahead of us. We also know we could not do this without our awesome friends and family who have showered us with love and support and prayers. We feel lifted up daily.