The final blog post!

Only a few more days until Christmas! We're all getting excited around here; the kids have finished school and as Megan said this morning "I just feel so good Mommy!"

I am also feeling much better over the last few days and am looking forward to the Christmas season. I have been thinking a bit about last Christmas and how we had no idea what was around the corner. A few times I'd think to myself 'oh yeah, we did this last year-that was before I had cancer'. I do think of my life now as 'before cancer and after cancer'. It seems to be a major dividing point in my way of thinking. This seems to be a common thought from what I've learned talking to other cancer survivors. I've also learned this year that I am alot stronger than I think and there is amazing strength behind family, friends and community. There are so many people that have blessed us immensely through all of this and we feel so thankful for that.

While writing this journey through this blog I have noticed that I tended to write when I feel positive and upbeat. I have worried about making other people worry! I am thankful though that I have been more positive in spirit that negative, and that I have had more up days than down. My feelings have ranged from "why me" to "why not me" and from "I sure hope you haven't left me God!" to an overwhelmingly sense of peace. I am learning to leave my worries with God and that is huge for me. There are days when I think I have gotten through a major trial, but I don't want to do it again-ever! Like any cancer survivor my main concerns are always about the the big what if. What if it comes back again-how will we cope? So I try hard to shelve that thought and live enjoying life today and leaving my concerns with my Maker. Like anything we have to learn, it takes practice!

So 2010 will bring a new year with new hope. I am looking forward to learning how to live as a cancer survivor and to move on with my life. I will hopefully finish Herceptin by May and possibly have more surgery late in 2010 or early 2011. I have an appointment with the surgeon in February so she may be able to tell me a bit more of an exact date. I am thinking seriously of removing the other breast as a preventive measure and the surgeon also thinks that is a good idea. I'm getting to be 'old hat' at this surgery thing and the thought of another surgery does not bother me anymore. I think also because I feel a bit more in control of things, now that the initial panic and anxiety are gone, it feels more manageable. But by in large next year will be alot less chaotic!

Thank you to all of our family and friends for so much-we know for a fact that we couldn't have managed without all the love and support we received this past year. Thank you for listening to me blog-it has been very therapeutic for me! We have been overwhelmed at times with all of this scary cancer stuff but the steady stream of encouragement, love, concern and support have been amazing. We are truly blessed.

We would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and we hope you can experience the peace and joy that Christmas brings to all of us. We send much love from our family to yours!
Love,
Nadine